During the past two days I've gone from extatic happiness to almost sobbing at uni, and it wasn't even something really serious. I'm just so effing stressed out and trying to keep this all together is proving to be a little more difficult than I thought it would. The extatic happiness is nice though, and the reason is nice too. I guess I can say it's caused by a guy. But it's tricky. I don't really know what I'm supposed to feel like in a situation like this, everything feels so.. contradictory.

Yesterday I was so down at uni that even M asked what's wrong with me. She was feeling a bit blue too so we cheered each other up by talking only in English, practising for the possible scholarship interviews. We had such a laugh! It made me feel better. I taught her what the word 'complexion' means (we talked about solarium), so it wasn't a complete waste of time. It's weird that I feel so much more comfortable speaking in English than I do when speaking in Serbian. Maybe it's the wider vocabulary or fewer grammar mistakes but I just feel so much better when I'm talking in English.

I'm somehow nervous. Yeah, now too. Seems like I'm nervous all the time. Yesterday I was almost shaking at the uni, I felt sick and all I wanted to do was to go home but I couldn't because I've skipped enough classes already. When one thing goes wrong, it feels like everything else is about to collapse too and I start doubting everything and everyone, even myself. I know that all I need to do is to believe in myself and tell myself that I can do this, it's going to be okay, but it's just so damn hard sometimes.

Planning to stay up late tonight, working. Working my ass off.