God I shouldn't be travelling to Finland. I've got loads of work that needs to be done and I don't see it getting done before I leave on Sunday. It makes me anxious, really anxious. Whenever I feel like this, instead of getting pumped up with adrenaline I paralyse emotionally and can't get ANYTHING done because I'm so nervous and stressed out and horrified that I might die because of all the stress. Which isn't happening, you know, because that just isn't possible. I know what you're thinking, "get a grip of yourself", and I am trying but.. I hate getting negative feedback. I really do. I mean, if it was at least a bit constructive, like "you got this right and this, but there's something not right here.. take a look at it and try to fix these" it'd be a whole different thing but NO, one of the assistants has to behave like she has a needle stuck up her ass all the time. All this ranting because I have to do again one of the assignments for l.a. projecting (or whatever) because apparently "it sucks". The only thing I want to do right now is tear the stupid papers and light them with one of my various lighters (those things keep piling up in your bag, don't you agree?) - at least it'd provide some warmth since it's freezing in this apartment. Didn't remember it was this cold last year. Though last year WAS warmer.

I stayed up till 3 a.m. last night (working) and I knew already then that I wouldn't be going to the first classes at uni, so I texted M and asked her to write my name on the list so I wouldn't get yet another minus and negative feedback from the professor. Or so I thought. I checked my mobile in the morning and it turned out I had sent the message to my sister by mistake and she was like "I'm not studying this boring thing with you, you got the wrong person - oh btw, can you buy me a couple of packs of extra long Marlboro lights? Thanks. And you owe me 20 euros. Lots of love and see you on Sunday!" Good morning to you too. Sigh.

Heaps of work waiting for me. Should probably go before I lose the last bits of motivation that I have left.