For the first time ever I really am ashamed of my drunken behaviour. I don't know what to feel because yesterday.. uh. It was so not like me. It almost felt like an out-of-body experience, it was just so.. so.. weird. AND I'm a bit hungover again, like I was yesterday too. My day isn't starting in the best possible way.

So. The other day I agreed to meet up with the half Moroccan guy, and I took Oona with me because we were going to this one club, Lux. She was like my mental support. Anyway, as soon as I saw the guy I knew it was hopeless but since we were already there, I decided to make the most of it. It could've been worse, you know. He had to leave "early", a little after midnight and to tell you the truth, I didn't mind that much at all. By that time we had already moved on to Onnela so me and Oona stayed there 'til the lights came on. We met some guys but.. I dunno. The guy that I ended up talking to was maybe kinda cute in a drunken yet a bit restricted Finnish way but there just wasn't any spark. I didn't give him my number so he asked me for my email address, which I gave him and which will be the only thing I'm giving him. Thank God.

I went shopping yesterday with Oona, a bit hungover but happy because despite the sucky "date" (yeah, it wasn't even a real one) we still had a good time! And despite the headache and slight nausea, I managed to spend all 70 euros (the gift card to Hennes) that my brother gave me for Christmas. I bought a cute pink denim mini, a pink knitted sweater, a normal brown tee with some gold square print, a black 3/4 sleeved shirt with some tiny buttons in the front (makes my boobs look nice) and a blue superlong halterneck top (makes me look slim!). I've got photos so I might put them up here if I find the USB thing.

Later on Heidi and Heikki came to our place and we had some tea and talked and exchanged gifts and that sort of thing. They gave me a lift downtown where I was supposed to meet J, the notorious date who just happens to be my oldest brother's friend from high school. Maybe it was because I might've been a bit hungover still at that point or because I hadn't smoked any nerve-calming cigarettes but I was SO nervous! My hands were actually shaking. And it really was scary in the beginning. I mean really. We had a good time, didn't have awkward pauses in the conversation or anything, at least not big ones, and apparently he liked being with me because he asked me if I wanted to go bowling with him and his friends. The guy had an escape plan! He had agreed to meet me at 7:10 p.m. and his friends at 8 p.m., but I understand him. If it had been horrible, I would've just made up something and left and never talked with him again. But I didn't have to do it, luckily. So, we went bowling, though because of my nails I didn't do actually much bowling which sucks but if I payed for these nails because I wanted to have long nails for New Year's Eve, I'm not destroying them before the big night. Maybe after it but not before. Anyway, we still had a good time, we and his Greek friends who were all a lot older. A LOT older. I mean, J is 26 and he was one of the youngest guys there. And I'm 20. Sigh. Anyway, we went to some bar afterwards and and.. umm, had a few drinks, talked, you know. Normal socializing. At some point people started leaving and before I knew it, I was alone with J and his friend/cousin/relative/something else who's about 35, though he didn't want to tell his exact age when I asked. We continued to Onnela (again! I'm almost a regular there now) and, er.. this is were the embarrassing stuff starts. And this is where I think I'm going to have to stop writing because if my brother (not to mention anyone else like mum or dad or other people that I know but don't want reading this diary) ever finds this diary, I'm in deep shit. I'd be sent to a monastery sooner than you could say "nun". I still feel so.. I dunno. Weird. Very weird. I don't know if I'm able to see J and his friends again tonight because.. god, what kind of a girl does these things?! I blame the drinks they insisted on buying for me. Seriously.

I'm off to heal my hangover and take the dogs for a nice refreshing walk. Maybe I'll even try to sort out this mess in my head.