I have a vague memory of having had to leave the computer before I could finish my last entry but I just can't be arsed to check the entry and see where I left it. And I'm sure you'll live even if I won't tell you how drunk I was with Oona at KY and that sort of thing. I think I've embarrassed myself enough for this year, what with all that stuff with J and.. and.. you know, what happened on last week's Thursday. That was not my proudest moment, I can tell you that.

ANYWAY. Life hasn't been that rosy. Apparently dad doesn't like the way me and Marina have changed during the past few years when he has been away, not able to control us and so on. So we got a nice, almost an hour long lecture the other day about the amount of make-up, cleavage (flashy clothes seem to bother dad) and everything. Thank God smoking didn't come up! I'm pretty sure mum knows about Marina's bad habit but doesn't want to believe it's really happening so she just shuts her eyes and pretends everything's ok. I'm also pretty sure she doesn't know that it's also MY bad little habit, even if I've been so stupid (and drunk) sometimes that I've forgotten my jacket's pockets open so that the whole world can see what I keep in there. And that smell.. that horrible smell. Anyway. Thank God they didn't lecture us about cigarettes (or alcohol, for that matter).

I don't think everything's okay between mum and dad. Mum's been talking about divorce. Yeah.. I don't really know what to think about it. I mean, in a way it's good because all that fighting I had to listen to before dad left to Paris was just so.. unbearable. It always made me feel like shit. I remember lying in my bed, wishing that they'd just divorce and stop fighting. And now they continue it, after my dad has returned from Paris. I still don't like it but being a bit older and a bit more mature, I can handle it. Especially when I know that I can escape from it, I don't have to live home anymore. The only thing that bothers me is that I've always believed in marriage, in a way. If I ever got married (though I sometimes doubt it), I'd like to get married for life. And.. you know, I just never thought my parents would ever even consider divorce. You just don't get married and think "oh, if this doesn't work out, I'll just get divorced". Things don't work like that in real life. At least they shouldn't work like that.

I really need to go now, I still have stuff to pack (my new fancy hair dryer won't fit in my luggage!) and dad to convince about me NOT taking my cello to Serbia when I haven't even paid for it or made a reservation for it in the plane. He just doesn't seem to get it, this isn't the freakin' 50s and you just can't smuggle a cello to a plane without anyone asking questions. Jesus, he drives me crazy sometimes.