I should probably change this diary's name to The Adventures of a Trailer Park Whore or something because my brother is still convinced that moving back to Finland will ruin my life and I'll become the Finnish version of an average single mum trailer park whole stereotype. Btw, I made a horrible typo yesterday. I was supposed to say that my brother read my diary secretly last YEAR, not last night, hence the fact I changed the address - once again. I'm not a perfectionist unless it's something about my diary and I absofuckinglutely hate it when I make typos. My only defence is that I added that sentence later on and I did it via mobile because dad was working on the computer.

Dad on the computer... Reminds me of all the super fun things that happened yesterday. Marina told dad yesterday about her boyfriend. It so did NOT go well. Not well at all. Both she and I thought he'd start yelling and get angry and that pretty much all hell would break loose. How wrong we were... The first thing he did was.. he started crying. And then he couldn't stop. And then it turned into some sort of a.. a.. seizure. And I was all alone with him, both my brothers were away and I was alone with dad while he had this.. thing. He was lying on the sofa in a fetal position and all along the line was open (I mean Marina called dad via MSN and we kept the line open for almost 5 hours, until the whole thing was over) and when Marina let mum talk to me, she could hear everything. She could also hear me when I started crying and panicking when dad stopped breathing for maybe 4 or 5 seconds, I don't remember how long it lasted. All I remember that his face was all red and and he was so still... I've never been that afraid in my life. I just lost all control and tried to lift him so that he could get air, and then I slapped him and.. he started breathing again. And mum could hear everything that I did. Imagine what she must've felt like. I've never experienced anything more horrible in my life and I don't ever want to be in that situation again. I was in such a shock that I didn't even realize that I could call my brothers and ask them to come home (later on dad said that if it ever happens again, he doesn't want us to call an ambulance), so mum called them from Finland. The less nice brother was at his girlfriend's and I don't know how much faster he drove than the speed limits allow, but he was home in less than 15 minutes, and his girlfriend lives in downtown. I thought he'd be more understanding though. As soon as he got here he started accusing me and Marina that we had caused this and he said that dad's own children are going to kill him. Thanks. Thanks a fucking bunch. Mum heard it all and asked if she could talk with my brother, and I don't know what she said to him but he stopped shouting at me after that.

Anyway... I don't really know what happened. Dad's ok now and at least on the outside everything's back to normal. But I just couldn't stop crying last night. If this is how he reacts when Marina tells him that she has an Albanian boyfriend, what's it going to be like when I'm going to have to tell him that I'm about to crush his dreams about the architecture bureau and the whole family living together in Serbia, by moving back to Finland and starting my studies all over again? The thought of it fills me with terror.

On a happier note, I broke my record on the stepper the other night - 10919 steps in 60 minutes. I was supposed to work out yesterday too but I just couldn't. I was also supposed to study for this one dendrology mid-term exam that I have today but I just couldn't. I still got about 3,5 hours left to stare at over 100 photos of different plants and try to remember all their Latin and Serbian names. I guess it's possible that I get a decent grade and pass but if I don't, I won't be surprised.

Something to listen to:
2Pac - Keep ya head up