Ok, I'm going to make this quick. About the wedding. It wasn't half as bad as I thought it'd be (I have had bad experiences on Serbian weddings) but it was probably just because

a) I was wearing shoes that did NOT kill me and make me want to run around barefoot.
b) I was wearing a dress that did NOT make me look like a pig (OKAY, it was the same dress as the last time but it just looked better)
c) my hair was longer and def better-looking and nicer and much more flattering than the short bob-like thing that I sported in 2006 when it wasn't really even in fashion yet
d) I got slightly drunk at the after party. I think this is the biggest reason.

I mean, seriously. As I started sensing at around 7 p.m. (after a couple of hours of drinking just coke (without rum or anything)) that my worst enemy called Boredom was lurking round the corner, I decided to do something about it and enjoy the free drinks by ordering some juice with vodka. Or vodka with juice. It was nice. Made me feel a whole less bored and much more relaxed. BUT as I have yet again been without alcohol for a considerably long period of time (4 months), I decided to take it easy and stopped enjoying the free drinks in time, i.e. before I started laughing at my male cousins' all stupid jokes and before my brothers could actually notice that the thing in my glass wasn't exactly just orange juice. Anywho, it was okay. I got home slightly tipsy but my brothers didn't notice much because the meaner one was probably so engrossed in the super long conversation he had had with his girlfriend at the wedding (he spent like 45 minutes on his mobile because of her) and the nicer brother was definitely drunk - not at his most alert that is.

Not much happens here (still), mum sent me yet another email but unlike the first one this was a bit depressive because apparently she got cold feet after the first email (in which she was very supportive and said that if I'm not happy here (which I'm not) I should return home to Finland) and is now afraid that my dad will get mad at her if he ever finds out that mum openly supported my idea to move back to Finland, so she just HAD to email me again and tell me that maybe I should take a year off from Serbia but try to keep my place at the uni here as well and maybe travel over here a few times next year to take care of some exams and stuff so if I don't like environmental planning/design/whatever the thing is I'm going to study in Hämeenlinna, I could return here AND keep dad happy. God I wish she wouldn't do this to me. Because frankly, I don't see that happening. I'm 100% sure that if I leave this country for good, I'm not coming back to study here again. No way. And I know that deep down inside mum knows that I don't want to live here, because at the end of the email she said herself that she always thought she'd want to live here with the whole family but now isn't really sure about it anymore, and how nobody asks her what she feels like when all her children want to leave HER home country and her. Which is so not true because I don't want to leave Finland and her. I think she's just afraid of dad and his reaction and doesn't want to be blamed for my decision. I don't want it either but... I can't stop asking myself WHY THE HELL DOES DAD HAVE TO BE SO GOD DAMN DIFFICULT AND STUBBORN? He doesn't see that what he wants isn't necessarily what other people want. And then we're all huge disappointments and surely doomed to burn in hell for a mighty long time (and I'm not making this up, I was once told this by dad himself - after I told him I'm going to dye my hair again) when we do what we want and not what he wants. Sometimes, just sometimes I wish my parents were a bit.. easier.

The only good thing I can come up with now is that once I tell dad (the d-day is drawing nearer) and he's mad at me, I can finally dye my hair because he'll be so mad that it doesn't really matter what I do anymore, I'm in his bad books for good. And my roots are showing in a really nasty way. Can't wait to be able to do something about them.